One student recounts his addiction to instant messaging

By James Strail
Norwich Guidon Staff Writer

It's about 10 p.m. and John Douglas stumbles in from a grueling day at work. The filthy hardwood floors stick to the soles of his shoes as he walks towards the refrigerator, only to find it completely empty.

Dishes are piled high in the sink, and several bowls have found their way onto the bacteria-filled floor. Escape at this moment is crucial for John to maintain his sanity.

"There are times when it feels like I can't go a day without it," said Douglas. "I tell myself that it's not worth the torture, but something deep inside me forces me to do it. It has become an everyday thing for me, and I just can't stop."

Douglas is an addict, though not a typical addict. There are no pipes, syringes or paraphernalia with this guy. The only tool used to feed his addiction comes in the form of a monitor, keypad and a satellite link-up.

Douglas is addicted to America Online's Instant Messenger Service (IM).

Instant Messenger is a program provided by America Online which allows individuals to talk back and forth directly, in real time, via the Internet. There are no voices, no visuals and, most importantly, no face to look at while you speak.

"When I say I'm addicted, I mean it," Douglas said. "There's a whole other world that exists in cyberspace where you can be whomever you want. Slowly but surely, that world starts to take hold of you, and there's nothing you can do about it. You become part of it, and it becomes part of you, whether you like it or not."

Despite his seemingly obsessive relationship with IM, Douglas calls himself an "average guy."

He's a senior communications major, puts in over 40 hours a week at his job in Barre, and, if there's time, enjoys a cold beer or two on the weekends. But there's a part of John Douglas that others cannot see.

Douglas's virtual emotions, that is, the emotional and psychological bearing that IM has on him, significantly affects his emotions in the real world.

"Whatever is said through Instant Messenger, whether it's real or not, affects me just as much as if it were really happening," Douglas said.. "There are days when I go to class and friends will ask me 'what's wrong?' or 'what happened?' because of my demeanor, but I'm not about to tell anyone that my ex-girlfriend IM'd me last night about her new boyfriend. It sounds stupid, and I don't want to look like some kind of psycho, but it's the truth."

Mary Towsin, a 21-year-old junior international studies major at the University of New Hampshire, lives in an average sized dorm room by herself. Her desk, cluttered with papers and soiled dishware, is the resting place of her older model IBM computer.

Towsin recently ended a two-year relationship with her boyfriend, John Douglas, but continues to communicate with him through AOL's Instant Messenger service.

"He refuses to speak to me on the phone, so I thought I'd use the next best thing," Towsin said. "After awhile IM really does become addictive. It gives you the ability to say whatever you want without looking someone in the eye."

Towsin openly admits to lying to Douglas through IM, just to try and get his attention when he doesn't answer her.

"Occasionally, I'll tell a small lie or two just to see how he reacts," says Towsin. "I've told him that my new boyfriend's in the room or something like that, you know, just to piss him off a little. Whatever he can't see can't hurt him."

Unfortunately, Towsin doesn't know that every time she feeds Douglas a new lie, he believes every word of it. He can't look her in the eye when she's talking. He can't see what's going on in her room. He can't even be sure that she's the one on the other end of the conversation.

"Its really hard to distinguish between the truth and a lie with Instant Messenger. It's not like you can say, 'oh, I could tell by her voice that she was lying,' because there's no such thing as a voice on IM," Douglas explained. "Oftentimes, you just have to accept what the other person is saying as truth, because it's almost impossible to prove otherwise. Now, that can really mess with your head."

In fact, IM has had quite the impact on Douglas. He claims to have started using Instant Messenger roughly two months into the school year, around the same time he separated from Towsin. Since then, problems associated with IM have begun to turn up more and more.

"You name it. I don't have a cable modem, so phone bills went from about $16 a month to close to $55 a month.

"Sometimes, I can't get away from the screen until 3 or 4 in the morning, so I'm constantly losing sleep," he said. "In class, all I can think about is how Mary has already introduced her new boyfriend to her parents; who knows if that's true or not? I sure don't."

"The negatives of Instant Messenger keep on piling up, but I still can't shake the habit," Douglas said.

For Douglas, IM acts as the perfect shield to the truth.

"It would be nice to know what's actually going on in Mary's life, but that's the ironic beauty of IM," Douglas said. "It's creates a fantasy world for people to be whatever they want to be. For me, it's created a living hell with no clear way out."

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